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Schlong noun (also shlong) slang the penis. [Yiddish shlang from Middle High German slange (German Schlange) 'serpent']

Just thought I'd post this because I only found out just now that this word was actually included in the dictionary.

64 Bomb!

Today's lunchtime adventure took the intrepid members of the JWN Lunchtime Adventure Club to the Sunrise Cafe, a little hole-in-the-wall mom-n-pop-shop conveniently located directly across from the neighbourhood high school. The location of the Sunrise Cafe is a key feature of what the little restaurant has to offer. Obviously, it has food: chicken burgers, BLTs, and grilled cheese sandwiches, to list a few of our own selections. It also has ambience: a late-70s model organ (yes, the instrument) sitting dormant in the corner, tables illustrated with cattle-branding icons, mismatched plastic chairs, and random pictures framed and hung on the walls. But most importantly, it has class. If, by class, I mean tables full of high school students on their lunch break.

Definitely the place to go if one wishes to study the youth of our species. There was the the table of seniors, all looking tough and slick and at least four years older than their fellow lunching students, who left shortly after we had placed our orders. There was the younger 'cool' kids, a collection of boys with textured bangs falling into their eyes and girls in blue tank tops who were still coming to terms with their changing bodies. And, of course, there was the ubiquitous table of nerds, and when I say nerds, I am not doing the word a disservice and using it out of place. These kids were everything I would have avoided back when I was their age. I mean, I wasn't cool, but I WAS on the up-and-up, in that purgatorial middle place where all the nice girls and boys with brains find themselves slotted.

So, obviously, the nerds were the only people in that place with personality. Therefore, they became the featured entertainment for the lunch-hour. Not, of course, that they were aware of their newly elevated status. The six or seven boys, all with various hair lengths both on their heads AND on their faces, were zealously involved in the playing of a game that I had initially thought might be Magic: The Gathering, but ended up being something much more juvenile. Fortunately, Kelley knows her kids trading-card action games, or we may never have known that they were playing (?) Yu-Gi-Oh.

Some of the comments we heard: "But I can't fight, I'm in a wall!" "Meow is the sound that turtles make." "Quack quack goes the zebra!" "All I wanted was a large fries, man." "I don't owe him nothing, that's bullsh*t."

And etcetera. It was amusing, but more in that you-had-to-be-there kind of way. I had a good time :) But apparently, we don't get to go back :(

b. May 26th, 1983

My brother. There are so many things I could say about him, and oh so many stories I could share. But, for once, I'd rather NOT embarass him. So, I'll keep it simple. Stephen turned 26 today. He is starting his last stretch at the University this fall, is in love with the girl of his dreams, and has learned to cultivate a handsome beard. For someone who used to be such a little stinker, he sure has grown into quite an impressive young man. I may whine and complain about him at times, but Stephen has achieved so much in the last few years, it takes me aback, every once in awhile. Usually when he drops a four-syllable word in a sentence. I can't get over how much he's grown, and how many times he's impressed me with his intelligence, and his strength. We've been through a lot, my kid brother and I, and if I'm doing half as good as he is, then I'm a-okay.

Stephen is going to be a great husband, father, and teacher, though perhaps not necessarily in that order. I can't believe I'm lucky enough to watch him do so.

Happy birthday, kiddo! I love you :o)

Spring!

Everything seems to be changing so quickly - I walk by a bud one day, and a bloom the next. These pretty flowers decorated a tree alongside the path I walk to and from work. They were so beautiful I had to try and get a good picture of them... they made me think of someone special ;)

Addict

Sigh. I really need to get this monkey off my back. Maybe I should take up gambling?

Freckles

So, so many of them.

Bee!

The screen that fits into our kitchen window is missing one of it's little holdy-in-er things, so when I open that window it is literally wide open. Bagheera came close to falling out of it once, even! But, you know, other than the slight chance of injury to the cats, it works out alright. Except, today, as I was eating my egg sandwich, the most ENORMOUS bee buzzed THROUGH the open window and IN TO THE APARTMENT. Not moving half as slowly as I should have been, I jumped up from the couch and slammed myself against the balcony doors in terror. The bee did it's lazy buzzing dance around the light fixtures in the kitchen, and nearly caused me to crumble in hysteria as it flirted with entering the living room. Thank the lord it didn't. Eventually it slowly zzzzed and swung its ginormous body back towards the open window, and then through it. I raced across the room and slammed the window shut, my heart beating like crazy. And then I shuddered one of those whole-body shudders that run through you when you've just witnessed something truly horrifying.

As I sat back down to finish my lunch, I tried to figure out what it was about bees and other insects and arachnids that so effectively struck terror into giant human beings. And I think I came up with something. See, bees don't speak English. I mean, I can't just say to the bee, hey dude, you're creeping me out and invading my life space - can you just, you know, leave? I can't just tell the bee that he's freaking me out, and I'm liable to act all crazy if he gets any closer, which is exactly what I would do. And when I start acting all crazy-like, I can't say, well Mr. Bee, this is all your fault! Instead, the bee thinks, danger and danger, and is liable to come and sting me! And you know, it's just a huge big matter of miscommunication!

Where there exists a language barrier, there exists a huge element of unpredictability - you have no real idea what the other creature is about unless you can find some way of telling eachother just that.

*shudder* It seriously was the biggest bee I have ever, ever seen, though. Truly terrifying.

Jimmy Crack Corn

I have developed a deep appreciation for kettle corn of late, which I lay at the feet of my lovely Lianna... she had mentioned that she liked it, so I picked up a bag for us to enjoy during her visit. Sadly, we never got around to opening it, but Tuesday, in an act of reminiscence I decided to have it to myself. Yum! Every handful is like a surprise party for my tastebuds! I'm kept forever on the edge of my figurative seat - will this piece be salty? Or will it be sweet? The one dreadful thing about ANY kind of popcorn, though, is those annoying little slivers that get stuck in your teeth!

Can-struction

Was in Southgate Mall yesterday where they are holding the annual can-shape-fundraiser-food drive competition thingy. I quickly got a couple of pictures before anyone milling about noticed and (heaven forbid!) took me for a tourist ;) My favourite is the bridge, but Atlas is pretty awesome too. Except, his eyes make me think of Wall-E! Just me?

Big Bird

Waiting for the bus with my mother on Sunday, I couldn't help but noticing that wandering around near us was the fattest pigeon I have EVER seen! Recalling that a certain someone enjoys this particular breed of bird, I thought I'd snap a picture of it before it waddled out of view.

View From the Top

So, thanks to some construction going on at the Coast Edmonton House, Lianna got a free upgrade to her suite. The result? This totally sweet view! Pretty beautiful, isn't it? Having someone visit from out of town really got me to view the city from a totally different perspective... instead of just passing through the usual kind of scenery, I got to experience every sight and sound through refreshed senses. Truthfully, there really isn't any other city I would rather live in than Edmonton. And, I feel pretty lucky that I get to call it home.

Of course, there are some things (or some ones) that other cities have that would entice me to make a move I wouldn't otherwise consider...

Fashion Police

Okay... so I kinda made her wear it and then pose for a picture. But seriously! That hat is pretty awesome in its awfulness! Doesn't detract from the prettiness of the girl beneath it, though ;)

Top Ten Barack Obama Plans To Fix The Economy

From the Late Show episode aired on Thursday, January 08, 2009

Encourage tourists to throw spare change in the Grand Canyon End our dependence on foreign owls Sell New Mexico to Mexico Put a little of that bailout money on the Ravens plus 3 at Tennessee. Come on! It's a mortal lock! Rent out the moon for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs Lotto our way out of this son-of-a-bitch Appear on "Deal or No Deal" and hope to choose the right briefcase Bail out the adult film industry -- not sure how it helps, but it can't hurt Release O.J. from prison, have him steal America's money from China Stop talkin' and start Obama-natin'!

Thoughts

Do you ever get the feeling that there is a furry caterpillar crawling across your rib cage? It's so weird.

Also, I hate Alberta weather. Why can't the rain wait until I'm home before falling? That way, I stay dry, and the farmers get their water. Hopefully there won't be rain the rest of this week - Edmonton needs to put her best face on for my visitor :)

And, it's going to be difficult to resist my seasonal urges this spring. Well, at least in regards to cyclists. As I believe I may have mentioned to some, when being passed by individuals on bicycles I have to fight this nearly overwhelming desire I have to kick their tires and send them sprawling face first across the pavement. It is an obviously unhealthy longing, but it continues to grow stronger year after year. If you're going to be travelling on your two-wheeler through my neighbourhood, you'd better watch out.

Ha ha. Just kidding.

Jungle Moc

Waiting at the bus stop this morning, I was randomly engaged in a conversation by an older gentleman standing at my stop. The topic of said conversation? My shoes. He asked me how I liked them, and when I responded that they were the best pair of shoes I've ever owned, he went on to tell me how they are a great shoe, and that he sells a lot of them (I imagine he works in a shoe store?). He then went on to say that he's had a pair of them for going on five years now. Which let me to reminisce about my own pair.

I believe it was mid 2005 when I first purchased my pair of black Merrell slip-on shoes, size 8 and a half, from the Coast Mountain Sports in West Edmonton Mall. Nearly four years later, I'm still wearin' em, for better or worse. These shoes have carried me through a LOT. They were my work shoes at Chapters, where I was on my feet for at least seven hours a shift. They were the shoes during my year at Adtel. They lasted the eight months of retail aerobics at Carlton Cards, my stint at the gov't, and my seven months at JWP. I've walked countless miles in these shoes OUTSIDE of work. If I could have worn them at the gym, I would have. As it was, they came with me on hours-long walks throughout the city, on sidewalk, street, and grassy stretches. I've worn them through rain and sleet, through the hot months of summer, and the cold, wet, snowy months of winter. They've been soaked through, muddied, grass-stained, clumped with sticky snow. And yet, they've lasted. They've been to movies, concerts, on dates, numerous shopping expeditions, nature walks, family visits, to the homes of friends, to bowling alleys, on airplanes. I've experienced the full range of human emotion while wearing these shoes, which makes them far more than just an item of practical use.

Now, I can recognize that my shoes are nearing the end of their long journey with me. The leather is worn and faded, the seams are loosened, and small holes are appearing. But, I am not prepared to part ways with them yet.

Girl Power

My favourite music in the last little while seems to be coming from female artists - how refreshing! It seems like there are periods in my life where all I listen to are dudes, dude-bands, etc. But not of late! Here are my top five songs for 2009 so far:

1. If I Can't Have You - Kelly Clarkson http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wt5cpJSV5QM
2. Ruby Blue - Roisin Murphy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjROtu0ajR0
Roisin Murphy has a wicked, wicked voice and a crazy personality! I chose this video because you can hear the song really well, which is the point, plus these random dancers are kind of fun to watch. But if you want to see Roisin Murphy sing it, there are a bunch of live performances on youtube. Just don't judge her by her outfits!
3. Hoedown Throwdown - Hannah Montana http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlnbmZK7GxU
Can't help it - I'm addicted!
4. L.D.N - Lily Allen http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6p_V0y7C9vc
I kind of love Lily Allen, and this song is adorable and catchy and fun and cheeky. Plus, the video is fab. If you like it, check out this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYb9pkJqZf4&NR=1
5. Breakable - Ingrid Michaelson http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgZ_tu8s5Wk&feature=related
It is awfully hard to pick one Ingrid Michaelson song as a favourite because I pretty much love every single one of her songs and she has fast become my favourite female vocalist. Enjoy!

A Dani & Natalie Vegas Home Movie

I might get killed for this one...

Little Shadow

This cat has been following me around non-stop since I got home. Yesterday I was using the computer, which is in my brother's room, and had closed the door for a little privacy. She happened to be on the other side of said door, and FREAKED out. She banged her little body against it and meowed the shrillest, most plaintive meow I've ever heard! It was crazy! But sweet. :) I love this cat. She's the only one in this apartment who has shown any happiness at my return, so how can I not be moved by her attention?

Best Part of Waking Up

I got a package in the mail today! Weeehooooo! But I'm not opening it just yet... I love to savour the anticipation!

When You Are Engulfed in Flames

So, I've decided to think of Dani and I's recent vacation as the "Trial and Error Trip", with a strong emphasis on the error part. Before we left, we were subjected to a fusillade of advice on how to survive Las Vegas. Drink lots of water, wear sunscreen, bring comfy shoes, and stretch before heading out! Well, not the last one, but someone SHOULD have said something! Not that we would have listened, 'cause we didn't listen to any of the other advice, either.

Our first full day we spent walking the part of the strip with New York New York, Excalibur, and the Luxor. We also explored Paris, and our own resort. While our shoes weren't 6-inch high stilettos, they might not have been the best choices for hours of being on our feet. As a result, by the time we made it to the Bellagio that night for our first view of the fountain show, neither Dani's feet nor my own were in good shape. I will say, though, that while my left foot required 3-blister-bandage treatment, Dani's poor tootsies did most of the suffering:

By Tuesday morning our feet were a little bit better, thanks to a tub soaking and many medicated bandages. Unfortunately, the rest of our legs decided to fuck with us (pardon my French) by seizing up and stiffening oh most awkwardly. We ended up hobbling around like gibbled 90-year-old's.

But on Wednesday, our bodies were almost back to normal. Feet? Good! Calves? Good! Best part? It was pool day! Or, at least, pool half-a-day. After switching spots once, we nailed some prime real estate around the pool and commenced sun tanning and splish-splashing. The cool water of the pool sure came in handy as the sun was so hot I swear my hair was sweating. I'd take a dip when I couldn't handle the relentless weight of the sun on my skin any longer. Then, refreshed and fortified, I'd lay in the sun a little longer. Unfortunately, sunscreen comes off in the water. Even more unfortunately, sunburns have a tendency not to reveal themselves until AFTER the fact. The following is a picture I took of myself in the sun, an hour and a half or so before the screaming agony set it:

When I got out of the bed today, it was the first time I could bend without wanting to scream in about 24 hours. Is the face above one belonging to an idiot? Some days, yes. But, on the plus side, Las Vegas IS an amazing city. We saw so much that was so unbelievable, and that made the suffering worthwhile.